12 paces to my left

-Girl, you be killin em.

...

-So just got back from camping and im at dans house typing on his computer while hes sleeping in his parents room. Alyssa is in dans room sleeping and im on the sofa. Well technically im not, but I will be if I sleep. Im trying to keep my mind off the fact that shes sleeping 12 paces to my left. Typing it is not really helping either. 

-Dichotomy: Choice A and B.

A: Wait here and get tired then sleep.

or

B: Wake her up and then... do what exactly... Curl up next to her. yeah that would be amazing. Im not even particularly interested in sex right now. well I am, but in this context, im just lonely. I swear I wouldnt do anything, I just want her next to me. Thats all really. Is that inherently evil in and of itself or is it just that fact that it could very easily ruin our lives...

-Ill go with A.

-Hrmmmmm..... This is difficult.

-goodnight

Edit 3:45am -This decision would be so much easier if the sofa wasnt so dang uncomfortable...

Free typing session #1. 5 minutes. Go!

Streets and lights and beautiful girls in front of them. running down the street but not chasing anything but a white rabbit through time. The watch is pulled from the pocket but the time is completely wrong. Back in pocket and scurry down the path toward the sunset. Now eclipsed but not entirely. Theres a sliver of the sun peeking out behind the huge moon. The africans in their huts enjoy the view better than anyone for you see, they have found the secret to happiness. Seclusion with people they love. Privacy. I cant get any privacy. Its difficult in large families to get that privacy that everyone needs. What do you do? How do you do? Good day to you sir. British people. I dont like their humour but I like adding extra u's to words like colour and humour. I like colours. I see them in things noone else does. Where they actualy arent, there really are but noone can tell but me. Its just a different view from my eyes I suppose. Your eyes might see something entirely different then mine but I might never actually know. How could I? My eyes are mine alone and yours are yours. What belongs to you doesnt belong to me at all unless you were to give it to me. dont ever let people borrow something when you know they wont give it back. It just might make you bitter. You might hold a grudge. Grunge. Metal is lame. Its for stoners and guys who need to feel super manly. Manly men are pretty lame anyway. Who can stand to be around one for longer than 10 seconds without beating him with a 2 by 4. 2 by 4s hurt my hands badly.

-Thats 5 minutes of typing as fast as I can whatever pops in my head. And they say girls are random. sheesh.

-So yeah I read that free writting sessions help reduce stress(key) and maybe unearth something you didnt know about yourself. I dont know about that last one but ok. If you see any deep psychological meaning to the above, feel free to drop a comment.

-Anyone have the Sandmans calling card? I could use sleep.

-Seriously though I dont expect you to read all that up there...

-Nighty-night blag

-Me

I suck

-Well... I suck. Oh I might as well type that in the title bar real quick since it seems to fit the occasion so nicely...

-There. Now I dont have to worry about a title.

-Now to the reasons for this.

-Numbah 1. My brain is retarted! It wont let me sleep. Less than 5 hours a night for the past 4 days. Its been giving me bad driving directions and complicating simple thoughts. Its been plastering 1 thing on my mind continuously against my will! (Ill give you one guess...) It also makes me second guess things alot. It makes me randomly jealous and I read too far into things that are just stupid for me to go into. Im fed up with my brain in general. Tradesies anyone?

-Numbah 2. Ive been feeling very lonely lately...

-Completely(possibly) unrelated: My extended family will be arriving any minute now. yaaay. (<-sarcasm... /cry) So Im going to be incognito as much as possible the next week. I dont want them to see me at all. Im aiming for 100% avoidance. Might be difficult considering I have 3 dollars to get me through to friday and im going to need food and a place to sleep(notsleep). This is going to be the week from hell if Im not able to sleep soon.

-Numbah 3. I really love music, but sometimes I absolutely hate that I love it so much. It makes me unable to enjoy what everyone sans me enjoys. I cant get thrills from most rock music. I head bang to rhythms with odd timesignatures. I am teh lame. Most people listen to bands noones ever heard of because they derive some sort of pleasure from being elitist morons. I loathe this. Its like a disease with no cure. I cant enjoy breaking benjamin, or other such rock bands and I have a really hard time enjoying skillet(Honestly you have no idea how bad I want to love them). It absolutely erks me to death that I cant just listen and bob my head and be happy. nope. i gotta be lame and listen to music that most people cant get through a single song because somehow, my ears find that enjoyable.

-The hardest part of the above is that I cant blame anyone. Who do you blame for your taste in things? God? Yourself? Your parents? Deffinately not parents... I guess me then. Or half God, half me. I dont really know... I guess God could have made me a country music nut or something...

-That feels good to get off my chest.

-Fingers crossed for sleep. Ive been psyching myself up for sleep and something else all day. 'Something else' didnt happen so lets see how sleep goes.

-Me

Sorrow

-I have never truely understood the meaning of the word until today. I actually ached and cried a bit. I'm alone in my thoughts, but luckily I'm not alone.

-It's 4:30. I got Sunday school tomorrow morning. Goodnight.

-Me