You know, if you know

Not getting a post on todays events. No-sir-ee. You had to be there. Words are just not cutting it.

-Me

The best kept secret is the truth

Where once happy and optimistic

Dies a tragic bloody death

Lying in her youthful dreary ritualistic

Night from day differences unearth

Mechanisms retract and recoil

The thought, messy and realistic

Counteraction justly disloyal

Thats just honestly anarchistic

-A lost individual

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sihtemepbigytmtdiiywm. byn. s.

wiaifmlamjamoeik. tiargwtsotw-e! iwiws.

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idk

syetvg ttyl

-M

THE INTERVIEW

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

So the interview has come and gone.

What. A. Waste.

They felt inclined to inform me that they have recieved over 200 interviews for the position from 36 different states and 3 countries; One of which is Sweden.

FREAKIN SWEDEN!

They said they wont consider it unless I had at least a bachelors degree. Lovely. Suddenly the furniture industry is looking alot better...ugh. Now that my latest dreams have been pulverized, I can get re-grounded and HOLY CRAP I need to hang out with my friends sooo bad!!!! I might not be able to hold out til sunday!!!

-Me

Dial 'S for Sunday / Hiro Nakamura

I am now going through friend withdrawals. I miss you guys =(

So I found out James put in his week notice and his last day is thursday. I wont be there thursday, so Ill probably only work with him tomorrow, if we have work tomorrow... Hes being replaced by trenton so its all good. We shall see how this works out. I hate change. dang.

I have a job interview thursday morning (thus the reason for me not being at work that day) for the position of fingerprint technician! Super stoked about that. I could really use a change of scenery, pace, life, etc... Itll be like an exchange for more of my time, for more money. Im sure itll be good for me. I keep telling myself that, so it should only take me another week or so to believe it hehe.

In other news, WoW has completely screwed up on the updates so none of that for a while til they fix it. Dang, I was under 5% til next lvl.

I wish it was sunday. I just tried Hiro Nakamura fastforward time superpowers complete with the awkward squinting face and it totally did NOT work. Crap.

Listening to Kid CuDi. Its pretty Ok. Nothing spectacular (Like the new 'Radio Dept.' album) but itll do for a light green mood. Friend withdrawal symptoms seem to be getting worse. Sunday sunday sunday sunday sunday

-Me

Another Lonely Night

I had a friend today reveal to a bunch of people that he hasnt succesfully asked out a girl in 4 years. I was too timid to chime in with my statistics. Well, if your reading this guys, its been 3 years and it only happened once. I asked her over the internet, and the date sucked horribly! Its pretty bad when all the experience you have can be summed up in a fortune cookie sized piece of paper.

Yep.

I just...dont want to be one of those guys where people say 'Oh he asks out all the girls who date'. I am trying desperately to not be another average guy who does things the average way.

Dont you hate it when people respond with the 'good christian answer'? You know the one where they are like "Oh dont worry!! God has someone special out there for you! She will come when you least expect it! Infact, I met (soandso) at (somewhere) at (sometime) and it was just like I knew God wanted me to marry that person!!!"

Im so sick of all of that feigned sincerity!! Thats why its so freaking hard for me to connect to church people cause they are so ingenuine at times. Its like; Do you really expect me to believe thats how you really feel about things? Colours dont lie man! Hello! I know people who are so eaten up by life, but when they walk into church, they act like cloud9. A mask pops out of nowhere, super-glued to their face and they wont let anyone get close to the real them. A completely different person emerges! We are all human. We all struggle.

Hmm just clipped like 500 words from what I just wrote because I remember people read this now. Hopefully my point is still there without being all-over-the-place. Anonymity is worth gold my friends, Gold.

-Me

Playlist

Track 1 - The Radio Dept. - Heaven on Fire

So today was pretty sweet! Work was tolerable. No tipss, no delivss, just floor work and yard work. I got threatened by james. Its all good I guess. After that Got to hang out with Alyssa for a while and even though we had no idea what to do or where to go, we still

Track 2 - Radiohead - Sit down. Stand up.

had a great time. Im annoyed that someone stole my mayorship of searstown mall. My one main prized public place! Its war Sarah, whoever you are. Its WAR!

Next up was CnC group. The lesson didnt really stick but

Track 3 - Rilo Kiley - Plane Crash in C

one thing deffinately did. What was Satans job? to reflect Gods glory. After He fell, God created us to take his place and reflect Him. Pretty cool huh? This song is sooooo good. "I have no idea whats goin on lately, and I just wish you would come over and explain things". 

Track 4 - Rilo Kiley - Science Vs. Romance

Ive noticed that a larger portion of my freetime is being sucked into WoW now. Not a significant portion but still. I dont really play games, but the games that I do play, I PLAY. I get absorbed into it. I dont see how people get addicted to WoW at all and I dont percieve that happening to me anytime soon. I guess I havent had a ton of hours at work so ive been climbing levels and running dungeons. Its kinda fun using strategy and teamwork with people you dont know to accomplish a common goal. Kinda like real life except im not a warlock in real life...

Okie doke.

Track 5 - Slowdive - Alison

-Me

Airvent

Vent Post:

• I feel like im swimming upstream now. As if that isnt enough, I have no idea why im doing it. Its almost as if my life wants me to go one way, but im completely ignoring it in favour of the other way. For no reason.

• Im laying on my bed listening to the new Foals album which is pretty ok. I dont get the hype.

• How nice it would be to be pissed off at something right now. I swear im losing my ability to be completely angry/enraged. I dont think I can and its unsettling. Instead of getting angry, I get mega-depressed. I dont mean like acting out and getting in a fist-fight, but just angry. At anything.

• Starbucks is freaking expensive. I cant afford it anymore. 4 bucks for a small drink?

• The list of friends who want to hang out with me is getting small. Rediculously small. Call me up lets see a movie or som'm.

• And when they do want to hang out. They completely own the conversation. It never changes off their problems. Doesnt anyone want to talk about mutual things anymore???? I guess thats why I like seeing movies with people. It gives me a break. (Sorry if I just shot you down)

• I need to stop listening to Foals. Its getting annoying. Switching to... Pinback. Blue screen life is an incredible album. 'Here to my house, in no seconds. Count the footsteps, count the seconds.' Who hasnt been there? So close, but so far...

• Im really hating facebook right now. Its the sameold garbage over and over. I dont even like looking at it. I was thinking about quitting it but its just too integrated into society to go without one.

-Me

Making it, and Faking it.

I scowered the internet, my ipod, and my memory banks for the perfect quote to top off this night. Alas, I found nothing suitable.

 

On a completely seperate note, Ive realized the magnitude of this blog and how many people actually read it (A Horrifying Concept!!!) I had 4 people tell me they read stuff on my blog in the last week (Terrifying!). So things that I would have posted, I will now keep to myself. The gigantic opened steam vent is getting slammed shut. Sitting here, typing this out, im realizing a few key things about it.

1 - From the beginning, I wasnt really able to type anything I wanted. Theres always restrictions you put for fear of that 'one person' reading it. The time you would vent about how much of an idiot your friend was, would be the time they decide to check your blog...

and 2 - I think it was sabotaged( <--just googled for spelling. im so pro) from that link on my facebook. Maybe I wanted it to be sabotaged so I would keep myself from typing those things for that 'one person'. Deep down I want it to be made known, but at the same time... 

So thats it then.

-Me

OwlSmackedFoReal

Ohsnapthisblogjustgotlotsofcoloursplashedonit!!!!! Ilikeit. It'shardtofindaballanceofcolourwithoutblindingyourself. KnowwhatImean?

-Insert Obscure 90's TV Reference Here-

And welcome to another day in the life of me.(Can you start a sentance with an 'And'? Can you start a blog post with the word 'And'? Almost like starting a sentence with 'Therefor, ' or 'In conclusion, '...)

Im really stoked about getting the job interview for fingerprint technician. Booyah! Yeah I know I didnt actually get the job yet but still, Im having high hopes for this one. Poo on you for not being optimistic with me! You know who you are...

...Jerk...

Ive been neglecting listening to some music that recently made it into the 9's on pitchfork and instead listening to random Drum'n'Bass and other odd indy music like 'The Good Life'.

AND NOW!! For the weekly 'Holy -robust expletive- dude you are freaking wierd for liking that!' video.

This one is Aphex Twin! Hes my favorite digital artist and hes been called the mozart of our age. The video is called 'Rubber Johnny' and its super freaky, but at the same time, I cant stop watching it. It deserves the afforementioned award because im on play number 6 now.

Warning: watch at your own risk and for the love of Batman, dont watch this in the dark and/or at night.

Well if you stomached that and havent clicked the red X in a WTF frenzy, then im glad your still with me! What do you think of the movie? Pretty cool right?

-Me

Kindness is Wasted on Evil

There once was a lone scorpion. He became increasingly bored with his drab environment so he convinced himself its time for a change. He settled on a long journey east. Through mountains and jungles the tiny scorpion ran until he found a river. 'What to do? How can I get to the other side?' Thought the scorpion. He waited until he noticed a frog headed the same direction. 'Perfect!' thought the scorpion.

"Hellooo Frog!" called the scorpion across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?" 

"Well now, Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you wont try to kill me?" asked the frog hesitantly. 

"Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!"

Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"

"This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!"

"Alright then...how do I know you wont just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog.

"Ahh...," crooned the scorpion, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!"

So the scorpion got on the frogs back and the frog entered the water and began to swim, being careful as to keep the scorpion above the water. Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.

"You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"

The scorpion shrugged. "I could not help myself. I am a scorpion. It is my nature." 

Then they both sank into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river.

-Unknown

Cant type today. Shweet.

So im trying to think of what to type so I start typing something, then I realise its complete garbage. Then I delete it. After 5 times, I am NOT deleting this...

Now that the above has been established... I still havent decided on a topic.

Im listening to Jonsi right now, thanks to the lovely Anna:Reborn blog. Its super good stuff. Like sigur ros, but with more direction in the songs. He seems more focused without the rest of the band. But I really didnt want this post to be about music. Then again, I heard this amazing band called 'The Good Life'. Its the lead singer of 'Cursive'. He made a sweet little side band.

Dangit!

Im not at all in a mood where I can write competently. I should probably sign off for the night. I just typo'd 3 times on the word 'off'.

Ugh. I should NOT be left to myself. Ever.

... ;)

-Me

Strike a Chord

He broke his old guitar
He couldn't make it sing
The strings had grown so worn
They made his fingers bleed

These songs are all asleep
They lay dormant inside me
This vacant recitation
I can't resuscitate them

Won't you play a song for me?
Let the words escape your mouth
Scream out what you've lost!
For In song, it will be found!

He broke his old guitar
He smashed it on his bed post
Where he used to dream of lovers
Kissing his forehead Goodmorning

-Me

Captured

Want to capture my attention? Want to know what really distracts me fully?

Music.

Loud Music.

Music that has a design as clear as glass. So clear, I can see the inner workings. I can feel the timing, make a mental map of the progression. Watch as the notes swim along in the melody. Watch as the harmony line flirts with the melody line. So close, and yet, so far. Literally stop breathing air, and start breathing music. Think about it until the point you can feel it and you can let go and see it work. Thats the spot. Where you dont have to think about it anymore. You can just feel it. Where you can experience music with all of your senses.

Then, to think, you can create something similar? You can reach out and make it? Its a truly euphoric feeling.

They say that a glass can only spill what it contains. I have to disagree.

-Me

Dear Future Me...

Dear Future Me...

You probably just went through alot of trouble finding this dusty old blog so congrats on that =)...

To give you your bearings, The date is Wednesday, June 2'nd, 2010. Its 4 days til your bestfriend leaves on an internship.

You live with your parents, you have a curfew, and you havent had a girlfriend before.(ouch. sorry buddy...)

Your 19 years old. Your birthday is in a few months. You havent gotten into college yet. You decided not to go into music as a career, although you would give your right leg to be in a band. Did you ever find a good career choice?

Ive got so many questions

How did my current crush pan out? Do my friends all move on and leave me behind? Does life ever stop sucking? Do mondays get outlawed? Was the mute Cebu succesful in communicating the imminent danger to the other passengers??

Please tell me your sitting back reading this laughing to yourself. Tell me you would love to write back and say not to worry. It all works itself out. You get the girl and you both grow old and live happy together. You have tons of friends who love you for who you are. Tell me it gets easier.

Tell me... I dont end up alone...

Please write back... I need answers.

Love, your younger self.

-Aka-

-Me

Monday on a Tuesday =(

Sweet dang. I thought I just got away with skipping Monday all together. Nope...

Its some kind of black hole vortex stuff happening. Yesterday was monday, but it was a sunday. I thought it was a saturday at first but it was deffinately a sunday. Now today, should be a tuesday, but nope! Its a monday somehow. I wanted it to be a tuesday cause thats like the official start of the week for me.

Garbage

-Me