12 paces to my left

-Girl, you be killin em.

...

-So just got back from camping and im at dans house typing on his computer while hes sleeping in his parents room. Alyssa is in dans room sleeping and im on the sofa. Well technically im not, but I will be if I sleep. Im trying to keep my mind off the fact that shes sleeping 12 paces to my left. Typing it is not really helping either. 

-Dichotomy: Choice A and B.

A: Wait here and get tired then sleep.

or

B: Wake her up and then... do what exactly... Curl up next to her. yeah that would be amazing. Im not even particularly interested in sex right now. well I am, but in this context, im just lonely. I swear I wouldnt do anything, I just want her next to me. Thats all really. Is that inherently evil in and of itself or is it just that fact that it could very easily ruin our lives...

-Ill go with A.

-Hrmmmmm..... This is difficult.

-goodnight

Edit 3:45am -This decision would be so much easier if the sofa wasnt so dang uncomfortable...

Free typing session #1. 5 minutes. Go!

Streets and lights and beautiful girls in front of them. running down the street but not chasing anything but a white rabbit through time. The watch is pulled from the pocket but the time is completely wrong. Back in pocket and scurry down the path toward the sunset. Now eclipsed but not entirely. Theres a sliver of the sun peeking out behind the huge moon. The africans in their huts enjoy the view better than anyone for you see, they have found the secret to happiness. Seclusion with people they love. Privacy. I cant get any privacy. Its difficult in large families to get that privacy that everyone needs. What do you do? How do you do? Good day to you sir. British people. I dont like their humour but I like adding extra u's to words like colour and humour. I like colours. I see them in things noone else does. Where they actualy arent, there really are but noone can tell but me. Its just a different view from my eyes I suppose. Your eyes might see something entirely different then mine but I might never actually know. How could I? My eyes are mine alone and yours are yours. What belongs to you doesnt belong to me at all unless you were to give it to me. dont ever let people borrow something when you know they wont give it back. It just might make you bitter. You might hold a grudge. Grunge. Metal is lame. Its for stoners and guys who need to feel super manly. Manly men are pretty lame anyway. Who can stand to be around one for longer than 10 seconds without beating him with a 2 by 4. 2 by 4s hurt my hands badly.

-Thats 5 minutes of typing as fast as I can whatever pops in my head. And they say girls are random. sheesh.

-So yeah I read that free writting sessions help reduce stress(key) and maybe unearth something you didnt know about yourself. I dont know about that last one but ok. If you see any deep psychological meaning to the above, feel free to drop a comment.

-Anyone have the Sandmans calling card? I could use sleep.

-Seriously though I dont expect you to read all that up there...

-Nighty-night blag

-Me

I suck

-Well... I suck. Oh I might as well type that in the title bar real quick since it seems to fit the occasion so nicely...

-There. Now I dont have to worry about a title.

-Now to the reasons for this.

-Numbah 1. My brain is retarted! It wont let me sleep. Less than 5 hours a night for the past 4 days. Its been giving me bad driving directions and complicating simple thoughts. Its been plastering 1 thing on my mind continuously against my will! (Ill give you one guess...) It also makes me second guess things alot. It makes me randomly jealous and I read too far into things that are just stupid for me to go into. Im fed up with my brain in general. Tradesies anyone?

-Numbah 2. Ive been feeling very lonely lately...

-Completely(possibly) unrelated: My extended family will be arriving any minute now. yaaay. (<-sarcasm... /cry) So Im going to be incognito as much as possible the next week. I dont want them to see me at all. Im aiming for 100% avoidance. Might be difficult considering I have 3 dollars to get me through to friday and im going to need food and a place to sleep(notsleep). This is going to be the week from hell if Im not able to sleep soon.

-Numbah 3. I really love music, but sometimes I absolutely hate that I love it so much. It makes me unable to enjoy what everyone sans me enjoys. I cant get thrills from most rock music. I head bang to rhythms with odd timesignatures. I am teh lame. Most people listen to bands noones ever heard of because they derive some sort of pleasure from being elitist morons. I loathe this. Its like a disease with no cure. I cant enjoy breaking benjamin, or other such rock bands and I have a really hard time enjoying skillet(Honestly you have no idea how bad I want to love them). It absolutely erks me to death that I cant just listen and bob my head and be happy. nope. i gotta be lame and listen to music that most people cant get through a single song because somehow, my ears find that enjoyable.

-The hardest part of the above is that I cant blame anyone. Who do you blame for your taste in things? God? Yourself? Your parents? Deffinately not parents... I guess me then. Or half God, half me. I dont really know... I guess God could have made me a country music nut or something...

-That feels good to get off my chest.

-Fingers crossed for sleep. Ive been psyching myself up for sleep and something else all day. 'Something else' didnt happen so lets see how sleep goes.

-Me

Sorrow

-I have never truely understood the meaning of the word until today. I actually ached and cried a bit. I'm alone in my thoughts, but luckily I'm not alone.

-It's 4:30. I got Sunday school tomorrow morning. Goodnight.

-Me

radio silence...

-Well I completely screwed up what could have been a great day.

-I could have just changed the subject or ignored it like any normal person but I persevered!!! and consequently failed miserably.

-of coarse. so where does that leave me?

-well im collecting my thoughts. whatever the hell that means...

-talked with dan, and as usual he read my mind, and put me at ease and helped me objectively view the situation and sort through it. I think i know what i will do tomorrow also...

-If only my mind worked properly, then I wouldnt be in 'radio silence' mode with the girl i love...

-sigh... *hangs head*

-fingers crossed for sleep tonight. chances arent looking good...

-me

R.I.P. Newman (maybe?)

-Bad News:::My car is deadzees. It almost died at bcc. There was smoke everywhere and stuff. Drove it home, worked on it a little, ok its fine. Drove it to alyssas and back, no prob! Drove it to taco bell with jinje at 12:30, it practicaly explodes.... It was definitely overheated despite the fact that me and alyssa filled it up with water friday. It was a heck of an awkward call to my dad to ask him to come get me from taco bell. at 12:30...

-Good news:::Taco bell has a delicious new burrito that has fritos on it for a buck!!!!!!!!!!

-*sigh*

-Me

she makes me come alive, and makes me wanna drive when she says...

-caaaaaan you feeeel the looooooove tooooniiiiight

something soooomethiiiiing ooooooooohhhhhhhhh

daaaa daa daaaaaaaaaaaa da kings and vagabonds

na naaaa naaaaaaa somethiiiiiing toooooooo

-i really dont know the words to that song... I was more of an aladdin kid.

-so anyhow, i dropped drawing and i kept graphic design.

-hold on let me put on music.

-my dad is going to talk to pastor and get things in motion and soon I will be an official intern at FBCMims. Ill be learning the ropes on choir leading, pro-presenter on mac, and making a setlist and generaly everything else a worship leader does. I think as a side thing im taking over wednesday night worship myself.

-i have to learn how to sing. like really sing. sing good. i think if its where God wants me, he will help me be able to learn.

-the best song every written from a guys perspective about relationships. It describes how most guys feel in the relationship as well as what every guy wants in a girl. its raw insight into a guys mind. Kick it on and pretend its the 60s :)

-I believe that song was written by a guy about the girl of his dreams. shes supportive, she worries about him, she comforts him, she brings out all his best qualities and stands by his side.

-I swear that phrase is pure magic. Dont worry baby, everything will turn out alright. alyssa, memorize that and use it next time im worried or something lol!

-I wish whenever I said the word baby, my voice would magicaly be replaced by his... it sounds so smoothe and soft!

-not looking forward to tomorrow at all... wish i could fastforward to wednesday.

-me